Tuesday, September 30, 2003
On Drew:
Drew was in charge of math camp both years I was a student there. At the time, I was both intimidated by his authority, and puzzled by his random silliness. The latter made sense when I eventually learned that he is about my age, but the former somehow never fully evaporated. Though not much older than me, Drew seems older, and more experienced in life, which is certainly true in the pragmatic sense. Drew holds my respect, and in a strange sense even a kind of authority over me, especially as I took over some of his previous roles while teaching at math camp.
Getting to know Drew over the internet during the course of the past year or so has made me more aware of racial issues in this ethnically diverse, yet ideologically homogeneous, American society. Drew seems to me as sensitive to his minority status and its implications to various aspects of his life (professional, social, romantic, etc), and talking to him has given me a better understanding of the conflicts and realities that very Asian-American male must live with. At the same time, I wonder if such a context for many of our conversations hasn't led Drew to underestimate just how Korean I am; living half my life in Asia made me to see the "plight" of the Asian-American for what I think it really is... a purely American phenomenon. Viewing the problem from the outside is very different from being stuck in the middle of it, and there have been times when I wished Drew could spend a few years in Asia, or at the very least somewhere where there are none of the "white people" that cause him to raise his hackles so often.
As for me, being an Asian-American is a regional thing, and quite possibly a temporary thing. And I'm beginning to think, if a short hop across an ocean is all it takes to leave the stresses of being an Asian living in America behind, why can't I chase those same burdens out of my head while sitting in my room, blogging away. Freedom is, after all, a state of mind.
And of course, there are many things that American society has to offer. Even to an "untall" Korean man such as myself.
Drew was in charge of math camp both years I was a student there. At the time, I was both intimidated by his authority, and puzzled by his random silliness. The latter made sense when I eventually learned that he is about my age, but the former somehow never fully evaporated. Though not much older than me, Drew seems older, and more experienced in life, which is certainly true in the pragmatic sense. Drew holds my respect, and in a strange sense even a kind of authority over me, especially as I took over some of his previous roles while teaching at math camp.
Getting to know Drew over the internet during the course of the past year or so has made me more aware of racial issues in this ethnically diverse, yet ideologically homogeneous, American society. Drew seems to me as sensitive to his minority status and its implications to various aspects of his life (professional, social, romantic, etc), and talking to him has given me a better understanding of the conflicts and realities that very Asian-American male must live with. At the same time, I wonder if such a context for many of our conversations hasn't led Drew to underestimate just how Korean I am; living half my life in Asia made me to see the "plight" of the Asian-American for what I think it really is... a purely American phenomenon. Viewing the problem from the outside is very different from being stuck in the middle of it, and there have been times when I wished Drew could spend a few years in Asia, or at the very least somewhere where there are none of the "white people" that cause him to raise his hackles so often.
As for me, being an Asian-American is a regional thing, and quite possibly a temporary thing. And I'm beginning to think, if a short hop across an ocean is all it takes to leave the stresses of being an Asian living in America behind, why can't I chase those same burdens out of my head while sitting in my room, blogging away. Freedom is, after all, a state of mind.
And of course, there are many things that American society has to offer. Even to an "untall" Korean man such as myself.
Monday, September 29, 2003
It's been a pretty uneventful weekend, mostly catching up on some overdue physics homework, and being amused talking online to a very drunken Cara. Cara is somebody I met through my friend Panna; Cara loves her puppy and generally hates men unless they happen to be jewish. Tonight she is telling me about her stalker. Panna and Cara are alike in that they find amusement in playing with the minds of various men, with the end result that the lamest of the bunch end up harassing them for months or even years afterwards.
Speaking of Panna, it seems that she's somehow found herself caught squarely between my housemates David and Mel. Although I did try to discourage any unfounded feelings of guilt on the part of Panna, I found myself strangely unfeeling for Mel's possible loss, and not just because Mel is American. My decidedly selfish reaction was to want to avoid any involvement in this matter, or spending time listening to any of the entangled parties. I wonder if I'm just busy, or if it's true that I've simply become cold.
Other than that, I've been wondering what my long term influence on my friend Galwang has been, and if it's even been a positive one. I am so blunt with my criticisms: in-your-face as opposed to subtle and caring, but his stereotypical Asian-American self-hatred was so infuriating. Tonight he is ranting in his characteristic hot-headed way about the shallowness of white girls on cell phones... but I wonder how he'd react if the same girl were to show any passing interest in him. Oh yeah, he claims to be studying Chinese in order to better appreciate his heritage. I hope I haven't been so critical and overbearing that he is compelled to act a certain way in front of me, as opposed to being himself. I remember him being such a mild manned guy before he started hanging around me. Of course, his starting to talk to me also coincided with other significant developments for him.
As for his hot-headedness, that always made me wonder if he isn't part Korean or something. Maybe from his northern China background.
Speaking of Panna, it seems that she's somehow found herself caught squarely between my housemates David and Mel. Although I did try to discourage any unfounded feelings of guilt on the part of Panna, I found myself strangely unfeeling for Mel's possible loss, and not just because Mel is American. My decidedly selfish reaction was to want to avoid any involvement in this matter, or spending time listening to any of the entangled parties. I wonder if I'm just busy, or if it's true that I've simply become cold.
Other than that, I've been wondering what my long term influence on my friend Galwang has been, and if it's even been a positive one. I am so blunt with my criticisms: in-your-face as opposed to subtle and caring, but his stereotypical Asian-American self-hatred was so infuriating. Tonight he is ranting in his characteristic hot-headed way about the shallowness of white girls on cell phones... but I wonder how he'd react if the same girl were to show any passing interest in him. Oh yeah, he claims to be studying Chinese in order to better appreciate his heritage. I hope I haven't been so critical and overbearing that he is compelled to act a certain way in front of me, as opposed to being himself. I remember him being such a mild manned guy before he started hanging around me. Of course, his starting to talk to me also coincided with other significant developments for him.
As for his hot-headedness, that always made me wonder if he isn't part Korean or something. Maybe from his northern China background.
Sunday, September 28, 2003
By way of introduction
So I first met Lostin at math camp, where he made little impression, beyond extreme giggliness at music videos of turbaned darkies singing merrilier than ought be possible for globally oppressed minorities. That is not the point. The point is that Lostin is an instance of an oppressed minority (of the peninsular variety) whom I've gotten to cyberknow rather well in the past year, and to cyberrespect as well. He is Asian, not diluted, deluded Asian-American: he talks straight and acts straight, and thinks before he speaks. I trust his judgment more than I do mine, though not necessarily his taste in men. Or women.
So I first met Lostin at math camp, where he made little impression, beyond extreme giggliness at music videos of turbaned darkies singing merrilier than ought be possible for globally oppressed minorities. That is not the point. The point is that Lostin is an instance of an oppressed minority (of the peninsular variety) whom I've gotten to cyberknow rather well in the past year, and to cyberrespect as well. He is Asian, not diluted, deluded Asian-American: he talks straight and acts straight, and thinks before he speaks. I trust his judgment more than I do mine, though not necessarily his taste in men. Or women.
