Lost In Me

It is easy to fall into the trap of judging yourself by your intentions, and not your actions. As an everyday example, I often start each weekend with the full intention of doing my homework, reviewing my lecture notes, doing laundry, etc., and when I fail to meet those goals, I will tell myself "it's ok, I meant to do better". The problem is that when you get into that pattern of thinking, you can forgive yourself for doing just about anything. And when that happens, you will find yourself in a place where you are far more forgiving towards yourself than you would be towards your roommate, best friend, mother, or just about anybody else.

That is why I find myself admiring those who hold themselves up to as strict standards as they would, for example, to their own child: that is to say, not a judgmental imposing of arbitrary standards, but a principled evaluation based upon actions and not intentions, something that you impose upon the subject because you want them to grow. And so I admire Motte, because in her I see something which I lack, that is, the strength that is needed to judge oneself, at the end of the day, based upon one's own actions, and not just to forgive oneself in light of better intentions.

So it is of great irony, that in my actions towards Motte, I have failed despite all my good intentions to live up to my own measly expectations, and certainly her expectations. And of course in this case I could not take the liberty of forgiving myself because I meant to do better, and all I feel is regret at my own lack of strength, and all the exhaustion and world-weariness that has contributed to my weakness of character. It seems that there is a point where "sorry, I meant to be better" just won't pass, not even when it is being spoken quietly inside my head, at myself.

I hear a lot about North Korea's nuclear weapons in the American mass media, possibly even more (ironically enough) than in the South Korean mass media. Whenever I read such articles, I am reminded of the Principle of Universality:

"There is an elementary moral principle which is called the principle of universality. The principle says that if something's right for us, it's right for others, if it's wrong for others, it's wrong for us. If you can't accept that principle, you should have the decency to shut up. So either you accept that principle or you say, 'OK, I'm a Nazi, I'll do anything I like. No more discussion of right and wrong.' Those are the choices in effect."

Basically, this principle means that you ought to hold yourself up to at least as high moral standards as you impose upon others... either that or you're a hypocrite. In light of this moral axiom, and considering that the US has stockpiles of nuclear weapons several thousand times larger than that of the North, I really think Americans "should have the decency to shut up" about North Korean nuclear weapons.

Having said that, I would note that since I come from a country that does not have nuclear weapons, there is no need for me to shut up about this issue. I think that the North Koreans have just as much right as the Americans to possess nuclear weapons: that is to say, they have no right at all. But since the North Koreans do claim to possess nuclear weapons, I would add further that I trust the North Koreans to possess nuclear weapons more so than I trust the Americans, since the North Koreans have no historical precedent of using nuclear weapons, whereas the United States is the only country, historically, of having demonstrated the willingness to use nuclear weapons against civilian populations.

In sum, I don't think the US has the right to demand that North Korea eliminate its nuclear weapons, until the US does so first.

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I "lost" my simulated patient today, when I administered nitroglycerine to a patient complaining of chest pain and difficulty breathing, without asking him if he had taken Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra. It seems that nitroglycerine and the three erectile dysfunction medications are all vasodilators, and a combination of nitro with one of the three may cause the patient's blood pressure to collapse, leading to death.

There is an amusing story about the development of Viagra associated with this. Viagra was first developed as a medication for patients with high blood pressure. It was a vasodilator specifically designed to target the large blood vessels in the pelvis, the logic being that if the biggest blood vessels in the body dilated, overall blood pressure would decrease. Well it turned out that dilating pelvic blood vessels had an interesting side effect... and no doubt some wise guy at Pfizer decided that marketing the drug as erectile dysfunction medication would bring in bigger profits than selling it for its original purpose. Nevermind that many of the users of the drug would be elderly men with aging cardiovascular systems sensitive to sudden drops in blood pressure, or that the same men would be likely to have cardiac problems and prescriptions for nitroglycerine. At least they will die happy! (No, that is not how I would like to die.)

Anyways, that was my odd little story that I heard in EMT class.

The 3 hour long, once a week lecture for my EMT class in on Mondays. Today, while we were listening to a lecture about diabetic emergencies, one of the students (ironically enough) collapsed from low blood sugar. I suppose he picked a great time and place to pass out, being surrounded by 30 EMT's in training, as well as a veteran paramedic. His girlfriend, who was another student in the class, as well as our instructor, seemed to take good care of him.

Speaking of couples, I went grocery shopping the past weekend, and noticed Valentine's day paraphernalia on sale throughout the store, mostly in the form of sweets and flowers. I must say that I have some objection to a day dedicated to lovers... after all, if the relationship they are in is a functional one, then these couples are rewarded every day, making a lover's day somewhat extraneous. No, what we really need is a day devoted to all the singles of the world.

For example, in Korea people of my generation and younger will celebrate Valentine's day. However, exactly one month after Valentine's day, Korean young adults also celebrate Singles' day. On this day, groups of single friends get together for a night out. Those friends who are in relationships are not invited. As if in defiance of all the lovers that surround them, these groups of single friends will spend the night doing the most unromantic thing imaginable: they go out for cheap Chinese food. (Knowing Korean youths, I suspect there is also karaoke and heavy drinking afterwards, but these are also rather unromantic activities.)

I believe that just as young Koreans adopted Valentine's day, this most Western of holidays, we in America should now adopt Single's day. To all single people out there, I encourage you to pick a day in March, get together with all your single friends, and go do something really fun and unromantic. Go out for Chinese food. Go buy up all the leftover V-day candy and eat until you turn blue. But do something. Singles deserve a day to themselves, too.

My housemate said to me today: "I can't believe you're cooking meat with that tofu. You know tofu is a meat substitute made for vegetarians, right?"

There is a tracker on this blog that shows how the visiters to this site happened to find this place. Though most of the visiters are regulars, occasionally somebody will stumble onto this blog through a web search. Here are some of the more interesting keywords that websurfers searched for, which led them to this site:

"male locker room videos"
"coping with guilt after cheating"
"Playboy magazine 1954"
"littlebois"

I dare not ask about that last one.

I read this Chicago Tribune article about the overabundance of male children in Asia, due selective breeding influenced by a cultural preference for sons from China's old agrarian traditions. The article goes on to suggest that a generation from now, when many of these men fail to marry due to the relative scarcity of women, they will become a riotous army of "unattached men looking for a place to fit in", engaging in "antisocial behavior" and causing various societal problems. I couldn't help but think, maybe the solution is to send all these guys to America, where they will fit in great with all the other Asian men, who, despite being single and unattached, seldom if ever engage in antisocial behavior and other violent acts.

Or maybe this Valerie Hudson is simply incorrect in assuming that it is a natural male tendency to be violent, antisocial, and criminal, unless they are controlled by women.

Mass media needs a reality check sometimes.