Lost In Me

Over the past couple years, I've been struggling to come to terms with the fact that friendships and other relationships are non-permanent things, and I've observed other people my age dealing with this as well. And it seems odd that I should not yet be used to the intrinsically dynamic nature of human relationships, given my migratory sort of upbringing. But then again, I did not have very many people in my life in any meaningful sort of way until a few years ago, so I never had to confront the issue as a child.

And of course, I’m only thinking along these lines tonight because of the distance that I've felt growing between Hanna and I over the past couple of months. I've never really understood why people grow so cold so suddenly sometimes, but I remember discussing this with an issue-giver after a practice session in my counselor training class. Being a physics major, I came up with a kind of stochastic model for human relationships… and during the debriefing I told my issue-giver that human hearts are like bubbles floating around in calm air. The bubbles do not clamp together permanently; but just as it's certain that some of the bubbles will drift apart, so it’s certain that others will drift together.

Which may or may not be an accurate model… but it does give a kind of comfort.