Thursday, October 23, 2003
I've been neglecting this blog for much too long, but I've had a terrible dearth of material to write about these past couple of weeks, unless I resort to posting about my numbers and equations. It seems that with Drew, Lee, and Panna caught up in serious relationships, I've been spending more and more time in isolation, and since I observe the lives of my friends and glean what lessons that I can by interacting with them, these days there is little to reflect on. Which is not to say that I only live vicariously through my friends, but it's somehow easier to simply stand back and watch.
For example, I'm thinking back a few days to fall break... It was Mel's birthday and David somehow found it appropriate to invite Panna and a few other women apparently interested in him. Sitting quietly in a corner holding my beer, I watched the dynamic between Panna and the other ladies; their animosity whetted by their drunkenness. Panna complains to me about these "catty other girls" and their belligerent attitudes towards her. To me, it just seems that love is an emotion that makes people feel scared and vulnerable, and when we feel scared we often make up for it by acting small and petty. Big hearts, as far as I can tell, are just very rare.
For example, I'm thinking back a few days to fall break... It was Mel's birthday and David somehow found it appropriate to invite Panna and a few other women apparently interested in him. Sitting quietly in a corner holding my beer, I watched the dynamic between Panna and the other ladies; their animosity whetted by their drunkenness. Panna complains to me about these "catty other girls" and their belligerent attitudes towards her. To me, it just seems that love is an emotion that makes people feel scared and vulnerable, and when we feel scared we often make up for it by acting small and petty. Big hearts, as far as I can tell, are just very rare.
